It must be something in the water...

Ok, to any of you who read this and know me well, you will know that I have wanted to have a baby since I was old enough to say it! I was one of those rare women who always wanted a family and always thought of names and had them picked out since I was 10. Well, this feeling is not even kind of going away. In the last few months...Heather had a girl, Natalie had a girl, Kate had a boy, Avery had a girl, Crystal had a girl, Jen is having a boy and Stacey doesn't know yet. Seriously, I think it's in the water. We went to Sherman last weekend to see the newest little member of the family and the whole time we were there...I kept thinking "I know it will happen, I know it will happen when it's right. I just have to patient and allow the natural course of things take over." And then Mark held the baby. I could literally barely breathe. I have no doubt that this is the man I will spend the rest of forever with and that we will have a family and he will make an incredible father. But, I am getting a serious lesson in patience and it's nearly killing me. Don't get me wrong, I love living here and being young and uninhibited. I love that we can play all night and sleep all day on the weekends. That I come home from work and can just veg. I love that we laugh and tease eachother and have fun doing anything. And I know that when the time comes to not have that anymore, I will miss it. But, seriously... my biological clock is sounding the alarm. Maybe I should just get a puppy.

I love living in a big city!

Last week I only had to work until Tuesday, then I had off the whole weekend off! So, I went to Sherman for a few days since it will be my last break for a while, before the dreaded holiday shopping shenanigans! My visit was great and the kid is even taller than he was before, I swear my mom puts miracle grow in his cereal.

Dad and I left early Saturday morning and came back to the city. We had plans to go to the Kimball Art Museum and see the Impressionist Exhibit. http://impressionists.kimbellart.org/ It was incredible. I have always had a thing with art from this time period and Claude Monet is my favorite artist of all time. There were rooms of priceless art and most of them were paintings I've studied in art classes over the years. Right there, in front of me, they hung. There was the giant painting "Paris Streets, Rainy Day" by Gustave Caillebotte. This painting took up an entire display wall and towered above everything. It's scale and precision were remarkable, and my dad was amazed at one detail in particular...the dainty vale on the woman's face. It was incredible to see this in person.

There were displays from Gauguin, Seurat, Pissaro, Manet, and so many others. They all show such passion, such talent, such vision! I know I sound like an art groupie, but I'm ok with that! In the painting by Renoir "Two Sisters" (At the top), the colors nearly jumped off the canvas and in others there was light and shadow like a photo.

Then there were a few paintings by Vincent Van Gogh, who always makes my heart skip a beat. This one, entitled "The Bedroom" is so childlike and yet intricate and detailed. To get up close, like we could, we could see the brushstrokes themselves and the attention to the detail that must have taken an agonizingly long time to achieve. There were others of his, but not too many. The museum had recently hosted the Van Gogh collection as it's own exhibit. All the art this time was from Chicago.

Finally I found a little piece of heaven...there was an entire room of Monet. They had a few of the series of haystacks. They had the views of Venice that make you want to go get yourself a passport just so you can see them for yourself. There was this one, "Bordighera" that literally took my breath away. It brought tears to my eyes that could not be stopped. I wasn't even embarrassed. I can't help that I have a strong reaction to his art. At last, I got to see the famous "Waterlilies" and others from that time. Again, I couldn't breathe and couldn't look away. My father just stood beside me and looked at the art. At the end of one of the galleries was "Poppy Field at Giverny". It's so beautiful there are no words.

I could have walked thru the galleries for days and not tired of the unadulterated beauty that was all around me. I know many don't like or understand art, but I think I came to realize something. You don't have to understand it, you just have to let it touch your heart. It's almost spiritual sometimes. I was so happy to get to spend that time with my dad and share that experience with him. He loved all of it as well, though he didn't shed any tears, he was quiet and reverent and edified. It was an awesome day.

Quick Catch Up

I have friends all over the map and in a million different area codes. Although my life isn’t full of big moments and babies, they still want to know what’s going on with me as much as I want to know what’s going on with them. So, here we go. I’ll keep this as up to date as I can with pictures and everything. I hope you all enjoy. If you want to know anything, just ask!

Let me start with a quick update…Mark and I have been living together for nearly four months and are so happy. I have a great job that I love, and guess what it is…retail! I know that’s not a surprise to anyone who knows me, apparently being able to sell stuff is hereditary and I got the gene. I take the bus to work and it gives me quite a chance to people watch…more on that later. We have no pets, but we also don’t have much time when neither of us is working. We have been thinking about a puppy, but we’ll see how that goes. We like being able to spend our time doing fun stuff, like:

My birthday on 10.09 fell on a Thursday so we just had dinner on the night. On the Saturday after we went to Dave & Busters. We had a total blast! It’s like Chuck E. Cheese for adults and we had so much fun. We played for hours and won enough tickets to cash them in for a stuffed hippo. She’s adorable and I sleep with her at night. Then on Sunday we went up to Sherman to have a party with my family. We had sandwich stuff and cake and presents. Matthew was there. I swear that kid gets bigger every time I see him. He’s nearly as tall as I am now! We stopped by my mom’s and then stopped by Mark’s family’s house. It was good to see all of our family in one day, but I wish we could have had more time.

Then the next weekend we went to the Dallas World Aquarium. It was this amazing little oasis in the middle of the city. There were so many totally cool animals. There were monkeys, sharks, manatees, bugs, lizards, alligators, turtles, fish, sloths, and penguins! It was a neat experience to walk amongst all the animals in natural settings. I took a million photos. Then we went to dinner and a movie (Quarantine) and shopping then home! It was a wonderful day and a great weekend.

I find myself thinking about the future a lot lately…it seems that everyone I know is having babies, and of course I want that in my life, but I’ve also realized something. I have a good life. I’m young and having fun. I have a lifetime to have a family and the corresponding stress, but right now, I need to enjoy life and live every day on purpose. I don’t want to waste these opportunities and then have regrets later. I believe that having this time will make me a better mother in the long run anyway. I love my life right now and can't wait to see what happens next.

I Wished on a Star

There comes a point in everyone's life where we get the chance to make a wish. I don't mean blow-out-the-candles wish, I mean look into the night sky and pick out the brightest star you see and pretend that for a moment you're five again and know with every fiber of your being that if you wish hard enough on that star, your wish will come true. I had such a moment just recently and when the opportunity presented itself to look out on my balcony and find the brightest ball of spinning gas I could, I conjured up a wish so unlikely, so fantastic, so much a part of my soul that it nearly hurt to let it into the cosmos. I squeezed my eyes closed and let my heart send up a hopeful request. Of course I can't tell you what I wished for because then it wouldn't come true, but I can tell you that as I sit here typing this today...my wish was heard and for some reason is being granted. Maybe I closed my eyes just tight enough, maybe someone or something actually hears these things, maybe it's a fluke, but whatever the scenario I find myself content.

My Road Less Traveled

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference


Robert Frost















Being able to have an embodiment of thoughts already set to words by a better poet than I is a great way to begin a new beginning. I find myself standing in my own yellow wood deciding which path to take in my life. One is safe and familiar and comes highly recommended. It affords me the approval of parents and others who claim to love me and want what's best for me. The other path, the one I've begun to take steps toward is a little less familiar and less recommended. It's still safe and well lit. It doesn't have raggedy trees or hooting owls or the ominous fog that exists in nightmares and B movies, I just can't see where the path leads.

I'm not walking down the path alone, I'm walking hand-in-hand with him. He's held my hand for longer than he realizes, even if only in my heart. As I take the first wobbly steps leading to the next stage of my life I wonder how I will look back at this moment. How will I see the quality of this decision? It will change my life. I have the trust in myself enough to believe in my heart. I also must trust him not to break it.

As I take my untrodden path I do so with excitement, apprehension, and yet a sense of calm I've never experienced. I look forward to the challenges to be overcome and the memories to be made. I look forward to the laughter. I look forward to the growth. I look forward to the positive creative energy that has begun to bubble out of my fingertips. I even look forward to the giant pot-holes in the pathway. Most of all I look forward...for the first time in a long time I look forward. And that has already changed my life.